Scene starts with Blatantly Kate Middleton lying on a couch next to a small cot. Blatantly Prince Willy enters the room holding a package covered in brown paper and string. B.P Willy strokes the mysterious package as Kate looks on in wonder.
B.K Midz: You got the stuff didn’t you?
B.P Willy: Who says I did?
B.K Midz: The shirt that says “I like packages. Especially when they are within my possession and tied up in this particular string that I enjoy wiping my nose with”
B.K Midz points to the particular phrase that is printed on the white shirt that Willy is wearing
Willy: Wow, you can read me like a book.
Midz: Thank you for the offer but I am afraid that we must spend our time doing parental things, parentally.
Willy: But I don’t WANT to do things parentally. I want to do things sillyly.
Midz: Like make impossible adverbs?
Willy: You can knead me pike a cook.
Midz: Let’s have sex right now!
The couple’s soon to be sexy adventure is suddenly impeded by the crying of the child in the cot
Midz: Hmm…I forgot about that.
Willy: How can you forget about a screaming child?
Midz: Quite easily and quite sillyly.
Willy: I love you.
Midz: Let’s have se-
Willy: No, no…we’ve been down this road.
Midz: You know what they call a baby in France?
Midz: A Royale with scorching hot lead.
Midz pulls out a container labelled with the very term “Scorching Hot Lead” and proceeds to pour it into the cot. Needless to say the baby isn’t particularly enthusiastic.
Willy:….I think you just killed our child.
Midz: Let’s hav-
Willy: Wait, what were you going to say?
Willy: Well you might as well tell me.
Enter a naked, hairy man who slowly shuffles across the stage staring at the audience. His name is Subtext.
Mysterious Voice: Yes…indeed. Yo. Uh. Bangin’.
Midz: Is that really him?
King Louis XV enters the room, because why the fuck not.
King Louis: Sup, ma nobilities.
Willy drops to the floor and begins tonguing Louis’ knees.
Louis: Is this whiteboy always pullin’ this lame ass jivin’?
Midz looks on in sadness.
Midz:…No. Sad face.
Subtext: You know, there was never a baby in here. Oh and err…SUUUUBBBTTTTEEEEEXXXXTTTTT.
Willy: Wait, then what was all that preggers fuss about?
Midz: My attempt to cover up the fact that I am a giant scorpion.
Louis: Dis bitch fo’ real or wha-
Midz turns into a giant Scorpion
Midz: I’m not very good at it.
Willy: Well…this will make sex awkward.
Louis: Or more bangin’, yo.
Willy: Tru dat.
Subtext: You guys are weird. Also Subtext. Bangin’ loads of subtext.
With a Bang.